


Uniform Kink

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: BDSM, Boot Worship, Cybersex, Humiliation kink, M/M, Military Uniforms, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:25:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN.<br/>CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT?<br/>CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it<br/>CT: D-->It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your e%quisitely tailored jacket<br/>CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT.<br/>CT: D--> That wasn't<br/>CT: D--> I mean<br/>CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship<br/>CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uniform Kink

**Author's Note:**

> From the kink meme once again.  
> Contains: BDSM, humiliation kink, military uniforms, boot worship, cybering.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] started trolling centaursTesticle [CT]  \--

CG: DAMN IT, FIGURES THAT FOR THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION YOU'D BE THE ONLY SORRY BASTARD ONLINE.   
CT: D--> I beg you pardon, Vantas   
CT: D--> And I realize this is futile, but might you perhaps curb your language somewhat   
CG: WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT? NOT ONE GLISTENING NOOKFUCK TO BE READ.   
CG: NOT THE TINIEST BULGEKNOT. NOT THE SMALLEST BEGINNER'S SLOSHING PAIL.   
CG: NO HEAVING FATTY CHESTSACKS. NOT EVEN GOG FORBID MAMMALIAN, MILK-PEARLY ONES.   
CT: D--> Vantas   
CT: D--> That's enough of this vulgarity   
CT: D--> State your business and stop polluting my screen   
CG: SIR, YES SIR.   
CT: D--> ah  
CG: JUST KIDDING. KNOW WHY?

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has sent the file TROLLMYSPACEWORTHY.jpg --

CG: BECAUSE THAT, IS WHY.   
CG: EQUIUS?   
CG: OKAY I KNOW I'M FUCKING MAGNIFICENT BUT YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE PICTURE LONG FUCKING ENOUGH TO GUIDE YOUR EYESTALKS TO THE KEYS AND HUNT AND PECK A FULL WORD OR THREE.   
CG: UH. IT DOESN’T LOOK STUPID, DOES   
CG: OH HOLY HELL I'D FORGOTTEN. HOW DID I MANAGE TO FORGET.   
CG: MAJOR ZAHHAK! EYES IN FRONT. THAT'S A FUCKING ORDER.   
CT: D--> Sir, yes sir   
CT: D--> My apologies, that   
CT: D--> I was  
CT: D--> Congratulations on your promotion to Lieutenant Colonel, s  
CT: D--> Vantas   
CG: ANY OTHER DAY I WOULD BE ALL TOO AWARE THAT THIS IS ONLY FODDER FOR YOUR SPANK BANK, BUT TODAY? TODAY I SHALL BE MAGANIMOUS.   
CG: MOSTLY BECAUSE I HAVE YET TO GET USED TO IT.   
CG: I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER, MAJOR ZAHHAK. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. WOULD YOU PERHAPS BE DISRESPECTING A SUPERIOR OFFICER?   
CT: D--> Oh dear   
CT: D--> No sir, Colonel Vantas sir   
CG: HOLY TAINTFLICKING BULGECURL DO I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. IT SHOULD PROBABLY BE ILLEGAL.   
CG: ALRIGHT, PERMISSION TO DROP THE TITLE IN PRIVATE, MAJOR.   
CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN.   
CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT?   
CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it.   
CT: D--> It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your e%quisitely tailored jacket   
CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT.   
CT: D--> That wasn't  
CT: D--> I mean  
CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship   
CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.   
CG: I'M RIDICULOUSLY IN LOVE WITH THE EPAULETTES, TOO.   
CT: D--> Goodness   
CT: D--> They do loan a certain robust, commanding width to your frame   
CT: D--> It is truly astounding how such a little thing as a flattering cut can make even the lowest cur look so  
CT: D--> My apologies, I forgot myself   
CT: D--> If you will e%cuse me for a minute   
CG: DENIED, MAJOR.   
CG: FINISH YOUR SENTENCE.   
CT: D--> hrrk  
CT: D--> Must you really  
CG: YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER GAVE YOU AN ORDER, ZAHHAK, DO YOU WANT HIM TO HAVE TO *REPEAT HIMSELF.*   
CT: D--> My deepest apologies, sir   
CT: D--> Commanding   
CT: D--> This uniform flatters your natural forceful personality in the moist  
CT: D--> MOST astonishing yet appropriate way   
CT: D--> Inappropriately appropriate, in fact   
CT: D--> This is properly l00dicrous   
CT: D--> Why, just the set of your sh00lders  
CG: ...   
CG: WHAT ABOUT THE SET OF MY SHOULDERS?   
CT: D--> Sir, this is  
CT: D--> Inappropriate   
CG: NO, NO, KEEP GOING, THIS PASSES THE TIME. I STILL HAVE THREE HOURS TO GO BEFORE DINNER WITH THE ADMIRAL.   
CT: D--> Very well, sir   
CT: D--> If you insist   
CG: I AM NOT INSISTING.   
CT: D--> oh   
CG: BECAUSE IF I HAD TO INSIST THAT WOULD MEAN YOU WERE DISOBEYING ME, AND THAT I WOULD BE WEAK ENOUGH TO TRY TO TALK YOU INTO *DOING WHAT YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER TOLD YOU TO.*   
CG: BUT YOU'RE NOT DISOBEYING, ARE YOU.   
CT: D--> oh  
CT: D--> that  
CG: SENTENCES, MOTHERFUCKER.   
CT: D--> Yes sir   
CT: D--> I mean no sir   
CT: D--> Not disobeying, sir   
CT: D--> The set of your shoulders conveys  
CT: D--> pride  
CT: D--> An inordinate, challenging amount of pride   
CT: D--> Astoundingly bright crimson a%enting your stance  
CT: D--> It would be quite  
CT: D--> hard  
CT: D--> not to pay attention.  
CG: HM.   
CT: D--> Colonel Vantas, sir   
CT: D--> Was that  
CT: D--> satisfactory   
CG: IT'LL DO.   
CG: I REALLY FEEL LIKE ERIDAN RIGHT NOW DEAR JEGUSFUCK.   
CT: D--> Ampora has much less to flatter himself about than you do   
CT: D--> that is, uh  
CT: D--> Oh, fiddlesti%   
CG: ...   
CT: D--> My apologies, I spoke out of turn   
CG: YOU   
CG: MEANT THAT, DIDN'T YOU.   
CG: YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT.   
CT: D--> Ah   
CT: D--> That   
CG: ZAHHAK.   
CT: D--> Yes   
CT: D--> May I be e%cused   
CG: NO YOU MAY NOT.   
CT: D--> Must I beg   
CT: D--> Vantas, I   
CT: D--> I have pressing matters to attend to, if you are quite done humiliating me   
CG: NOT QUITE, NO.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has sent the file FUCKINGRIDINGBOOTS!!.jpg --

CG: NOT EVEN CLOSE.   
CT: D--> Hrrrrrrk  
CG: THEY LOOK BETTER IN MOTION. MAKE A WICKED AWESOME NOISE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO WALK IN THOSE WITHOUT *STRIDING.*   
CG: TOOK A LITTLE BIT TO GET USED TO KNEE HIGH BLACK LEATHER BUT DEAR LORD DO THEY MAKE YOU NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF THEIR WAY.   
CG: DO THEY MAKE YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THEIR WAY, ZAHHAK?   
CT: ùihlubuj  
CT: D--> Vantas  
CG: OR PERHAPS THROW YOURSELF DOWN IN PUDDLES SO I WON'T SPLATTER THEM IN THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES?   
CT: D--> sir  
CT: D--> *sir*  
CG: WHAT IF YOU *FAILED*, ZAHHAK, WHAT IF THEY GOT BLOOD ON THEM AFTER ALL.   
CG: INDIGO. PURPLE. STUPID BASTARDS WHO WOULND'T GET OUT OF MY DIRTY MUTANT WAY.   
CT: ikndffffddddd  
CG: WHAT DO YOU DO TO FIX YOUR MISTAKE, ZAHHAK, BEFORE THERE'S BLUE ON THEM AS WELL.   
CT: D--> I  
CT: D--> sir i  
CG: HURRY UP.   
CT: D--> might my unworthy mouth please you  
CT: D-> might I dirty myself further to clean you  
CG: _KEEP GOING.   
CT: I wuld usee my tongue, sir, to clean taht exquisite muddleof   
CT: your vanquished foes, who ought to have stood so high above, preybeasts for the culling  
CT: terribleand glorious  
CT: I would  
CT: I would kiss teh bright hard toes of yor bootss, left andright, and make my way up inchbyinch  
CT: leave the leather glossysmooth  
CT: you might, you might  
CT: if that were your desire you  
CG: HM. ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVEN'T MISSED A SPOT THERE.   
CG: I WOULDN’T HESITATE TO HOOK YOUR CHIN W/ MY TOES, MAKE YOU LOOK UP AT ME  
CG: YOU'RE NOT WORKING FAST ENOUGH  
CG: WHAT USE ARE YOU ZAHHAK?   
CT: sir none sir i am lamentably sorry may I be punishedsir  
CG: YOU STILL HAVE LONG HAIR, DON'T YOU  
CT: yesir  
CG: GOOD. GOOD HANDLE.   
CG: ONE PART OF YOU THAT CAN BE USEFUL.   
CG: I'D YANK YOUR HEAD UP BY THAT POINT, GODDAMN USELESS COLDBLOOD FUCKER  
CG: WOULD I SEE A BLUE PUDDLE UNDER THERE, ZAHHAK  
CG: WOULD THERE BE A FUCKING PUDDLE OF YOUR DISGUSTING FLUIDS SPREADING ON THE GROUND  
CT: mixing with teh blood ohdearlord o hyes  
CT: I am sosorryso sorry sir please i  
CT: let me clean you let me show i can, i   
CT: can serve you i can please allow me, allow me to serve please  
CG: ... FINE. GeT BACK TO IT.   
CT: I would kiss your boots sir kiss them allover allo ver lavish them wit mytongue  
CG: NOT ENOUGH. NOT FAST ENOUGH, NOT CLEAN ENOUGH  
CG: SMEARING YOUR GROSS SALIVA, DO YOU THINK I WANT YOUR BODY FLUIDS ON MY BOOTS  
CG: IF I HOOK MY BOOT UNDER YOUR CROTCH WILL IT COME BACK STAINED, ZAHHAK, IF I PRESS THE TOPOF MY FOOT UP HARD IS YOUR NOOK GOING TO GUSH ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE   
CT: çà_(" iik ,k  
CT: y  
CG: Y WHAT, YOU REPUGNANT SACK OF JIZZ AND PUS   
CT: sir yes sir iwould stain ur boot sir i am sory  
CG: YOU WOULD, WOULDN'T YOU  
CG: BET YOUD HUMP MY BOOT TOO, LIKE A WOOFBEAST IN HEAT, YOU COULNDT EVEN STAY STILL, TRY TO COIL YOUR BULGE AROUDN MY ANKLE  
CG: GET IT EVERYWHERE  
CT: sorry sorry yes  
CT: y es  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE ABOUT SORRY, DOES SORRY CHANGE WHAT YOUVE DONE  
CT: no sir i am sorry  
CG: CLEAN IT.   
CT: ?   
CG: WITH YOUR TONGUE.   
CG: THATS AN ORDER.

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] is idle! --

CG: ZAHHAK, I'M PRETTY SURE YOUR PALEMATE WILL KILL ME IF I MANAGED TO GET YOU TO BRAIN YOURSELF ON A CORNER OF YOUR OWN WORKBLOCK.   
CG: TELL ME IF YOU'RE ALIVE AT LEAST OKAY?   
CG: EQUIUS?   
CT: D--> My apologies, I am simply e%periencing  
CT: D--> technical difficulties   
CG: YOU RUINED YOUR CHAIR, DIDN'T YOU.   
CT: D--> Ah  
CG: HEH.   
CT: D--> ... Heh   
CT: D--> And several nearby piles of parts, I'm afraid   
CG: WHOOOOOOPS...   
CG: NOT SORRY AT ALL.   
CT: D--> You are incorrigible   
CG: AND YOU DUCKED OUT OF GIVING ME A PROPER DESCRIPTION OF MY BOOTS.   
CT: D--> Vantas  
CT: D--> You  
CT: D--> I find myself at a regrettable loss for descriptors   
CT: D--> My deepest apologies   
CG: HOW DEEP DO YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE?   
CT: D--> wh  
CT: D--> Beg your pardon   
CG: THAT DESCRIPTION WAS SO FUCKING GARBLED, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOUR PERFORMANCE. I'M GONNA HAVE TO MAKE YOU GIVE IT ALL OVER AGAIN.   
CT: D--> Are you suggesting a... second draft  
CT: D--> Ah, edited for typos, as it were   
CG: PFF, NO, STUPID.   
CG: I'M SUGGESTING THAT  
CG: THIS ONE ISN'T AN ORDER, EQUIUS.   
CT: D--> oh   
CG: I'LL BE IN MY BLOCK THIS MORNING AFTER DINNER.   
CG: YOU KNOW. IF YOU WANT TO DROP BY. BEFORE I TAKE OFF MY UNIFORM FOR THE DAY.   
CG: I'D LET YOU SEE MY BOOTS BEFORE DINNER, BUT, YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY ONLY HAVE THE ONE PAIR SO FAR AND WHY THEY'RE SUDDENLY A NICE GLOSSY COBALT I DO *NOT* WANT TO EXPLAIN TO THE ADMIRAL. JUST SAYING.   
CG: HE'S ALREADY GOING TO GIVE ME AND MY NICE CRIMSON TRIM THE HAIRY EYEBALL ALL MEAL LONG, FUCK THAT NOISE. BETWEEN HIM AND THE OTHER LIEUTENANT COLONELS AND MAJORS, AT LEAST ONE OF WHICH IS GUARANTEED TO ATTEMPT A CULL PROMOTION AT MY DETRIMENT, I WOULD APPRECIATE A FUCKING REASON TO KEEP A COCKY MOTHERFUCKING SMIRK ON MY FACE ALL NIGHT LONG.   
CT: D--> Yes   
CG: NOT THAT YOU HAVE TO  
CG: OH. GOOD.   
CT: D--> Culling attempts, you say   
CG: 'COURSE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEMONSTRATE ANY SIGN OF COMPETENCE THAT WAY.   
CT: D--> So when you come back, you may be  
CT: D--> weary   
CG: OH UH. YEAH. MAYBE. HM.   
CT: D--> Oh   
CG: OH!   
CG: BUT I'LL BE WIRED EITHER WAY. THWARTING ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS DOES THAT.   
CG: AND MY BOOTS WILL BE *REALLY* FUCKING *DIRTY*.  
CT: D--> oh   
CT: D--> I shall await you in your quarters, sir, if you will permit   
CG: DRAW ME A HOT BATH. GET ME FOOD THAT WON'T BE POISONED.   
CG: AND THEN WAIT FOR ME.   
CT: D--> Yes, sir   
CT: D--> Thank you, sir   
CG: IF YOU DO GOOD YOU MIGHT EVEN GET TO CLEAN MORE THAN MY BOOTS.   
CG: DON'T DISAPPOINT ME.   
CT: D--> I won't, sir

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --

CG: DON'T WORRY. I'LL PUNISH YOU ANYWAY.  
CT: D--> n IIK_è|N  
CT: D--> Thank you, sir   
CT: D--> Thank you

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased trolling  centaursTesticle [CT] \--

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Uniform Kink [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/594232) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)
  * [Breaking to Saddle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/878132) by [Asuka Kureru (Askerian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru)




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